also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize