You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
