Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
