not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
