im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We're too hungover to prance.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
