was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Is it because I queefed?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
