Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
