Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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