Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
