stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
