Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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