You just made me feel so damn special
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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