Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
