My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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