If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
