Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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