i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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