I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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