turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
