You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
