I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
