I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
