i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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