Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
