shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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