Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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