just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
