He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
