Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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