dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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