All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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