I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
