We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
