I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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