So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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