ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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