Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
