sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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