Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
