dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
