ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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