yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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