Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
