I think i peed on brittanys purse
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
