U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
