My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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