Soap is not a condiment
one two three fourrrrnication!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
