I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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