it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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