yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
