just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
