So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
