dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
