I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
