He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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