You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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