What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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