wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i was born a porn star she said
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
