I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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