Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
