Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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