k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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