The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found the puke drawer
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
