ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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