Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
