Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
