you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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