No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
there is glitter all over my balls
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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