if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I will be naked everywhere
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
