Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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