i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
