she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
