Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
