You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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