she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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