I think I am morally bankrupt
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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