I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
