How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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