i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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