i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
