the condom got lost in my hair
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Congratulations! We have a period
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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