Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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