I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize