I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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