apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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