we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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