question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
